A lonely AJ

My greatest mistake

2006-04-06T14:27:00.000+08:00

I thought it going to be a smooth sail for me once my business is up, yet I am terribly wrong with the idea. My mistake is I did no research in the industry at all. I just jump in and now I drowning. My relationship with my own mother is no good, and now I fear my other half will leave me soon should thing getting from bad to worst.

I myself don’t know if I really like this work I am doing or just in for the fun of it which causing me a great deal.

If only I can go back to time, I will tell time myself learn about it on my own pace and time, than join in ACE. Sadly, that is very impossible for anyone to do. Now the issue is to get I renew, change and have money.

I decided that the blog continue but, I won’t be updating frequently.

Time to say good bye

2006-03-12T13:31:00.000+08:00

I want this blog to last long but howeverI can't do so therefore this blog will no longer in operation. Not to worry I will not delete this blog instead continue to run it until a new blog is creat.

To a friend of mine Yong Kian don't worry once the new blog is ready I will auto link you to the new blog.

Stage 1 completed now Stage 2

2006-02-16T17:18:00.000+08:00

Stage one of my business successfully completed, finally manage to pay out the cost fee. However one more problem I notice is I don’t have enough money for my operation. I don’t even have a business plan at all. What nightmare have I brought myself into this time?

It wants to start my very own business, being my own boss instead working for other people. Sadly, foolishly I forgot operation cost issue, strategy and plan for my business. Worst of al I forgot about transportation! So now what to do? Going back to my old work place is very malu. Asking for money, how leh?

Why I want cash in the first place? Simple, so I can buy device or tool for me to work with. The tools I intent to buy are a laptop for my workstation and a PDA for my mobile workstation.

There also software issue which need to be think, for productivity, presentation and accounting purpose.

Oh god what have I done, it show that I don’t have a plan for this just jump in the bandwagon. I can continue being this way or face it as a challenge in my life. This is the path I have chosen, and dam better make use of it.

Hardware and software aside, my focused will be getting information on how many people live around me, and how big I want my market going to be. I already know that my market will be Small Medium Enterprise, school either government or privet and residential.

If there anyone who want to financially help me, after reading this blog please do email me and thank you very much. Not asking a lot just enough for me to run my operation estimated around or less than SGD 50,000.00

Luxury Items

2006-01-15T16:46:00.000+08:00

Lately don’t know why, my interest now is luxury items. The items which interest me are moon phase watch, fountain pen, condo and Boxster S. The moon phase watch and fountain pen, love them with platinum. Don’t know why but I like this metal which value more higher than gold.

I never use fountain pen before nor do I can read a mechanical watch. My current watch is digital or in watch term quartz. Man, why am I thinking of such? Is it because I going to start my very own business or it just natural thinking of such items.

Before I want to drive Boxster S, I need to earn my licence first, but thinking of having Toyota is more worth. That all for now.

It coming but what will I be doing?

2006-01-06T18:51:00.000+08:00

Rumours have it General Election coming soon, and it means me have to vote as it compulsory. Yeah right! Like that going to happen. Dream on I say. Why I saying it, very simple it will be impossible for such thing to happen that why.

The opposition don’t have a chance at all; they small and only appear during this time around. Never say a lot during other time, so what does it mean? Simple, I cannot trust them. So does it mean I support the current government? No I do not support them either. Why must I support someone that doesn’t allow my freedom? They say it ok being gay, but still an offence having erotic act with my partner, not allow me unit, own HBD flat or adopting a child for me to rise. Now that is my reason!

So what will I be doing? Go there for the sake of it, get register and than cast an empty vote. That what I going to do. As long they don’t bother me, I fine with it.

Wonder if my blog will be read by someone?

Good bye old nick

2006-01-02T22:08:00.000+08:00

Laugh out loud what a great time reading at Sgboy Pink Dollar tonight. It about me, little they know I already cease the nickname and change to new one and this time around me going be a good boy. My reason for the change largely due to, I consider my current nick has gone too far. So, now must have a cool down period.

I will be more responsible for what I post, and I do like to say this is my first post for the year 2006. That all for now and yes the blog will change but no need to worry, there lot of work need to be done. First thing first the blog address I have already, that is important.

Great achievments, Misses and Ahead

2005-12-31T12:01:00.000+08:00

2005AD will be leaving us in few more hours, and 2006 will appear. The scientist says, the will be a minutes extra but for me it doesn’t matter much. What important is the achievements I have made this year. However, there is still some misses. So what are my achievements I made, here they are:

Achievement
Working in a company, I really don like but hey look at the bright side of life. I do at lease have a job unlike some people out there.

Another achievement I made this year is the ability for me, to pay $4,000.00 to Steve making me only own him $2,000.00 which I going to pay him by February 2006.

Lastly I having a life partner which I actually thought could not have happen at all. I happier with him now than before, more feeling missing when not seeing but more understanding him when not meeting him. I do hope his mum will change next year and be more flex.

Now for me to state my miss for this year, and there are:

Misses
Ever since I am going to start my business, I could not buy myself a laptop of my dream nor can I give monthly allowance to my boiboi. It sad but hey in life we need to scarifies thing. Not just that but a lot of other thing I wish and want to buy.

Another miss in life is that, working in twelve hours makes me isolate myself form the world. I don’t even know that 2006 coming in new days time, it my mum who told me about it. I miss my life where every day is so good to meet event I am down that day.

Ahead
As posted in all my previous blog, I am going to start my own business. So, hopefully by second quarter of 2006 I going kick start the plan. Do wish me well. Other then world peace, I wish that the government allow gay couple to unit and allow us to apply for HDB flat.

Oh well that for what I need to say for now, and I am going to move to a new blog but not now lah. Just seat back and read this posting.

HAPPY NEW YEAR AND MAY YOUR WISH COME TRUE

No I am not alone but my social life suck

2005-12-20T17:06:00.000+08:00

It go know that YK been reading my blog and some people who happen to come by. Yet, either than YK and my wife, I have no other friend. Even though YK is my friend, but I can only meet him online, and for my wife not all the time like I wish only on certain time. For that also, I have to pray hard meeting him at lease one week.

Don’t talk about work, there I am all alone, just caring for my own work. Not that I so picky, only a certain group are exclusive to me, but I am just shy and work is hell on earth for me. Note I still interact with my colleague, but there nothing personal we chat about other than what machine to clean, top up chemical and do etch rate. This is my stupid life. Not like when I at school or doing my National Service, where I have friends. Working life suck and I do know the fact, this not just happening to me but some poor soul out there.

So what can I do? That I cannot answer, if there is a good soul out there please help me. I frequent visit at Sgboy, but my interaction there more poor. Well may be lah, I going to be all alone should something happen between my wife and me or not alone but only with my wife.

I do say I want to live with him, but with his mum I don’t know lah.

How can I be alone?

2005-12-17T23:01:00.000+08:00

How can I be alone when I have a boyfriend? Ok my wife I call him. (Hmmm wife shall I be his official title). I love him yes I do even now dare having hi picture together on my phone. So why must me be alone? He loves me. I just want him, not just for my pleasure but as well for a friend. This love to me, yes love.

How stupid am I no seeing this when not able to meet? I feel miserable. Always waiting for my phone to ring or have message from him. Therefore this blog must crease but YK will have to re-link me again.

Don’t worries YK because going auto direct the blog for you.

Life

2005-12-15T15:36:00.000+08:00

Oh mine look at the time. New year is coming yet my life still suck that a good news because I still have a life do it. My boiboi I start to love him again after all this while. Ok that all for now.

Happy Holiday

Boiboi have dengue fever

2005-11-27T16:18:00.000+08:00

How insensative of me thinking my boiboi negatively. I am an idiot self centre person who don't care of other except himself. Reason for me not able to meet him yesterday because he have dengue fever, yet rudely I posted something negative of him.

A perfect day

2005-11-20T17:05:00.000+08:00

It will be nice for me to just go out one day while the rest of my rest day stays home take care Baby Mizan, but this just a fantasy. I want this day to come true. I work for three days while two days I rest at home and only on a Saturday I go out if the following day a work nightshift. Then will go out on a Friday, if Sunday I work on a morning shift.

However, either day or night I always going out meeting my other half. It addictive, not meeting him for a day on my rest day, likes not meeting him for life. I know he is busy like and have a life (unlike me), but I don’t want him to think I just using him.

Night Shift Nightmare

2005-11-20T16:36:00.000+08:00

Going to work for me is like going to hell. I always feeling sad and crying inside silently whenever I need to go to work. The strangely it only occur when it night shift, while during day shift I feeling fine. May be because in the day I can go home and sleep at night while night shift it reverses.

I remember not long ago where I cried badly due to this, I hate it when doing night shift because I cannot bear it. Waking while other sleeping, god if only I have four thousand dollar in my hand now. Sure I will say good bye to this hell hole. That my ticket getting the fuck out of here. Envy my brother because he has a happy life compare to me. He has a girlfriend, work office hour five day a week, and have owning both driving licence and riding licence. Why I cannot be like him? Although I earn more than him, but look at me, an idiot and fool who works on a Sunday.

Blog is the only way for me to say thing out, because I cannot say them out in real life. I do have a wife but yet cannot live with him, only want to meet also very difficult. Not all the time I can meet him, we don’t have home of our self and he going to National Service. My worry he going NS is that, he going to leave me and I will be alone again.

That will be nice for a fool who work on a Sunday, yup that right. They can only say but the one suffering if me and me alone. When I going to get the hell out? Only God knows.

Herman Miller Aeron Chairs

2005-11-16T20:40:00.000+08:00

One day this chair will be mine

Life so far

2005-11-16T20:36:00.000+08:00

Wow it had been long time since I post. Not because I dun have a lot of thing to say, but it just I feeling so occupied lately.

Firstly let me being with my investment. For those who reading my other post notice that I have a dream, and this dream is to be an information technology entrepreneur. The name I do have already, but I won’t say it out. Hopefully, no one will take it in Singapore specially. I now own my partners SGD 4000.00 this is no not cool.

God who can loan me that much of money, I just want that money and after it off to my dream and I do hope from my dream it going be reality.

My love life now doing well, no more wondering if my boiboi love me or my money or both which I do wish he love me instead. Last week we did it again but this time I more daring. Yes we have but he was wearing underwear not bare. It makes me more comfortable.

Question now my life is more like a bird flying back and forth to a cage. No friend no one close to me except myself. However, I learn that only I can change thing. Cannot always ask help from other.

Oh well that all I need to say for now. Till then happy reading my posting and also decided no need for a signature.

Happy Adilfitri

2005-11-03T09:22:00.000+08:00

On this good day I wish all Muslim living in Singapore and world wide Happy Adilfitri.

Read alert

2005-10-29T10:16:00.000+08:00

News come out this morning that singapore goverment now targetting singapore gay website. Sgboy which do know have nude gay man is suspected target. How come must it come this way?

A bit of happy news

2005-10-28T11:22:00.000+08:00

I happy today, that what I wish had come true. After all this while finally it happened. What is it? Well now I can post via Microsoft Word (must have connection lah!). Don’t know if it accept image as well.

The $6,000 question

2005-10-27T20:00:00.000+08:00

I don’t know what to do now. I fear of loosing my place in a business course I apply few months back. I told them I going to start next month but due to something I fail doing so but they now sending me confirm letter. I made a call to Steve and he told me not to worry.

In my bank right now just $3,000, thanks to overtime which I dislike a lot. After meeting my other half, my plan change and now I only have around that much. I love my other half yet at same time I want to do what I want, not because I had been psycho. If only there someone out there who can help me, I will appreciated a lot.

Steve told me earlier that the cost have increase to $8,600. Now that another worry I having right now. Not meeting my other half and this I just wish time stop. Why my life suck?

Sad news

2005-10-25T16:52:00.000+08:00

I dream of having ad to earn some income but turn out those agency don't want my homepage it it classified as personal homepage which is like. Well what to do now must find other ad agency. I know google ok with personal homepage but due to my stupidity they now blacklist me.

Change of blog equal change of life

2005-10-23T16:32:00.000+08:00

My blog now change. Have a few ad and background song which I love. It all happen after going out alone since cannot meet with my other half, as he thumb broke. But there still one or two thing need to add. Not just my blog have change, but my life as well. Last night, I followed my parent to Geylang to see it the last time before the renovation. During Ramadan in Singapore, all Malays around this little island will visit Geylang.

There lot of thing I seen, must interesting while other were confusing. However one particular area made me think about myself, how I am being treating both myself and other around me. I thanked Allah for allowing me to be at the area. Fear stroke me immediately, it show you death. Now I know I too fear death like other people, yet I dare say I not. Up to now still I am shivering thinking about it. It also made me hard to sleep; I need the sleep due to me going to work later at night.

Hopefully blogging about this will ease me, but it does have a positive impact on me. I now know more of my weakness and who I am. I do hope to change but not immediate, but one step at a time. I don’t know when my time will come but I do hope to go in peace and easy.

Him

2005-10-22T18:36:00.000+08:00

This is my other half. Sorry name not allow

I am wrong please tell me

2005-10-22T18:31:00.000+08:00

He may look handsome to other but don’t know why I so dam worry of him. Counting my days to meet him and feeling like lost a great person if not meet. My heart beats faster by the second every time we suppose to meet. Yet it smashes into pieces when not.

Each time we spend time together, the world seems so slow and I am very happy. Why must I feeling like this yet having doubt when he wants to borrow money from me. Do I fear he is going for another man leaving me like a fool? The first time I saw him, his eyes it attract me to be his other half.

Is it just I want to fun at the time or confuse to having a relationship that this happening to me? My life upside down now, cannot be alone must be together.

Why love is so pain? Am I so emotion? Am I so desperate? Why must it feel this way? Other I saw yet I don’t feel the same only him. I fear of loosing him. Every time I wonder had something bad happen to him yet at same time I fear him playing behind my back.

:(

Help me

2005-10-22T17:59:00.000+08:00

To anyone who reading this post. If you know the song on the background please email me or tag it on my tag board. Your help mean a lot to me.

Thanks

From bad to worst

2005-10-22T11:54:00.000+08:00

Yesterday suppose to meet with my other half, but turn out didn’t happen, possible because his mum don’t allow him. Then this morning I received message from him, saying cannot meet again because his thumb hurt. Man what a day, morning news suppose to be good but not for me. If were to meet sure can go to Bedok and see some water sport.

AJ Confidential

2005-10-21T12:00:00.000+08:00

Long time no blogging, not because very busy but there nothing much going on with my life. My life is still the same, family still the same so with my work. Still no idea for my signature and my other half told me last night, I am a horny and impatiens person which is true, after persuading him. Hehehe, well that true. Cannot stand seeing handsome guys, will melt when seeing them especially low secondary school boys, and instantly want to have sex or jerk. Oops must stop I am now sounding more like a paedo.

Martin (my other half) told me he understood my character in just two months, for me up to now still no idea about his. For what I can say he a mummy boy (I like that), childish and a good partner to chat with. There always a lot of thing he like to chat, from at the library life up to people around him.

Well I started to falling for him deeply, not just because he handsome and cute or a good blower or that he a good friend but because he make my day when being with him.

No one so far, has made me feel this way only him. I met him when I was horny one Thursday evening. He posted at Sgboy IRC, he want to have $100 so I reply to his post. We meet but did not do anything, during the waiting. My heartbeat pump faster by the second as the previous week someone ask to meet but never turn up.

Forgot the time but he show up, he want to do at a public toilet but I decided not a wise idea. So we seat down at a near by flat and chat. During the chat I learn he had a boyfriend, but the relationship not going well. I fear that if he boyfriend knew, I will be dead but he assure me that won’t happen. That a relief! We only do it the next day, after my Friday prayer at Hotel 81 Chinatown. I so happy being with him, not just he did what I want, but I can kiss him unlike other who I asked. I paid the amount and then we asked if I free on Saturday. I reply ok.

Life is interesting, it happen so fast. In my mind I just want him to be my other half, fear of what happened during my National Service day. I was an idiot at the time, only wanting sex nothing but sex. I waste my chance, now I will not allow history to repeat itself.

I remember clearly like it was yesterday that, I purposed to him during my tea break I want to be his other half on morning of Sunday, May 22 2005 via sms. Cross my finger he reply yes and firework spark everywhere in me. Now looking back I don’t regretted being his husband.

Although, there time he asked me for money which made me tick (because saving up for my computer course), other than that I more relax now. Unfortunately, his handphone had been confiscates due to his M1 bill. Communicating is not easy; hopefully I can meet him today and may be go to Lavender this evening after I break my fast.

Terminal 2

2005-10-14T18:33:00.000+08:00

Last week, I and my other half went to Singapore International Changi Airport Terminal 2 for an outing, since after visiting the cruise fair at Harbour Front we have nothing to do. The fair was not that good but as long my other half is happy I happy with it. While seating outside Harbour Front MRT station an idea strike me, why not visit Terminal 2? After proposing this to my other half, from glooming face he became cheer up. I so amazed with him.

Before we head to the airport, we stop by at Border to find VBA for Dummies, turn out it a waste for our Ezlink. I my interested in VBA came about after my other half showed me during his visit to my house. He was at my house to teach me Microsoft Access 2002, which I grew interest with during my National Service day.

Since there no luck finding the book, therefore we headed off to Singapore International Changi Airport by train. The journey was great, but since it Ramadan my eyes were closed and dear old me feeling sleepy all the time.

Hunger strike me since we didn’t have lunch at Harbour Front, like we normally do once arrived at a destination. Hey it Ramadan so just bear with it. Again the viewing mall was our spot, because it my intention. While at there, noticed a boy who I saw from my pervious visit. Man at first I taught he Ang Mo Lan, because he walking beside an Ang Mo Lan couple but my other half assured me he actually a Singaporean.

One thing I learn from my visit to the airport is that it heaven on earth for me. I really admire the place for nice compare to it predecessor Terminal 1. Just love the place, wish can be there as often as I like. Imagine this: me using my laptop drinking coffee while at Terminal 2 surfing the web.

Ok that all I want to say about my signature still thinking about it.

Signature

2005-10-14T15:04:00.000+08:00

I thinking of using a signature but what signature will I use?

My life so far

2005-10-13T17:26:00.000+08:00

Wow! It had been long time no post not that I dun want to but due to me busy as always with my work and life. Ever since colour I having a new skin, my mind just wants to blog out all the time. However, whenever want to blog, there always something prevent me. Not someone but my own self.

Last month did a best post, six compare to my previous blogs so what do I want to blog today. Gee? Never think about it. Oh yeah it my new work place which is hate a lot, reason been is due to my new work place is on the 3rd floor. Why hate it so much? Well all the machine there I don’t know and the work environment is fast leaving me to struggling all the time.

I really no longer have any interest with my work anymore! Just want the money so I can start my business.

Happy

2005-09-30T11:02:00.000+08:00

I happy today not because it my off day where I can spend time with my love one, but I happy because thing now a more clear for me that I am very paranoid. My other half or boiboi I call, sadly handphone confiscated by my mother-in-law, due to his hp bill hit 249. So now all kind of communication is via msn or webSMS. Oh well I going to leand him my old handphone provided he want lah this afternoon (cross finger) for awhile untill this case is settle.

New stuff on the blog

2005-09-29T16:08:00.000+08:00

Well me just add some blue snow falling down. In the pine line background music. Happy watching the snow as it fall. Please give me ur feedback

SGBOY

2005-09-29T13:26:00.000+08:00

Oh god the website currently undergoing some upgrade. So boring leh I like want to die. Somehow Sgboy is like a part of my life. Oh well I am lonely so that may be the reason but here the question why never state when the upgrade end?

What happening to Temasek

2005-09-27T16:53:00.000+08:00

Actually I want to post about my note book which I lost at work, but decided to make today newspaper article as the posting of the day. Note my note book is not a laptop but literally a note book; paper and ring joint together.

So what so interesting about article? Ok it about blog again, however this time around it not about racist remark but about students posting bad thing about their teachers. It shows that more such incident is going up and students caught were given suspension and order to remove the posting and apologise. Here the question what if the teachers are wrong do they need to apologise to students? Very funny how come teachers are always right and student always wrong? Is it because their status?

Well this is Singapore what can do?

Yesterday Posting

2005-09-25T13:03:00.000+08:00

Oh boy so happy today althought going to work later. Yes I work on Sunday as I a Sunday shift operator. I happy today because finally got my new blog on the go. Dun know how many blogs but this my special blog somehow.

Yesterday after went back from Tan Tok Seng, I turn on the computer and try my best to polish my skin. A lot error occure so angry. Angry cannot be with my Boiboi at same time angry with my skin how come it not what I want. Only after mintues ago I notice I should click the refresh button then I will get what I want.

So that that. Well I dun know if I can continously update my blog but if got the time why not. It will be my online diary as well for my idea which can be weird at time as well my thoughts. Till then happy watching the metal price or just reading my two posting.

Cheers

Virgin Post

2005-09-24T18:30:00.000+08:00

Normally when a new stuff starts, we are happy about it but not me. Reason for my glumness is because of yesterday incident between me and my boiboi. I suppose to meet him at 2 after my Friday prayer, so as it promise over msn once finish my prayer I off to the nearest bus stop and waited anxiously for bus 315 to come to I can meet my boiboi.

Everything was great, I really want to meet him but once there no a single sign of him I saw. I look at the bus stop and no didn’t saw him nor did when I came to his block. Waited like a fool and keep calling him I decided when the clock coming to three, I decided to go home.

God I so angry with him! From good mood all change to black mood, thanks to him. So lonely old me, when home feeling angry and plan to go out just disappear. After lunch, I turn on the pc and sign on msn waiting for him. So he pop up and then I question about the incident, know what this idiot said to him. “Yeah I busy.”

Fuck! So who am I on his eye? Just another playmate have fun with, enjoy frees food and cab ride? I very angry with him, and now in my mind I thinking of leaving him for good. After all he is a liability, ever since I meet him, have been spending and not saving for my ambitious to be a techno entrepreneur.

Well as for now I still dun know much what to do? Should I leave him or continue be with him or will he leave me like he left his first one.