A lonely AJ

How insensative of me thinking my boiboi negatively. I am an idiot self centre person who don't care of other except himself. Reason for me not able to meet him yesterday because he have dengue fever, yet rudely I posted something negative of him.

It will be nice for me to just go out one day while the rest of my rest day stays home take care Baby Mizan, but this just a fantasy. I want this day to come true. I work for three days while two days I rest at home and only on a Saturday I go out if the following day a work nightshift. Then will go out on a Friday, if Sunday I work on a morning shift.

However, either day or night I always going out meeting my other half. It addictive, not meeting him for a day on my rest day, likes not meeting him for life. I know he is busy like and have a life (unlike me), but I don’t want him to think I just using him.

Going to work for me is like going to hell. I always feeling sad and crying inside silently whenever I need to go to work. The strangely it only occur when it night shift, while during day shift I feeling fine. May be because in the day I can go home and sleep at night while night shift it reverses.

I remember not long ago where I cried badly due to this, I hate it when doing night shift because I cannot bear it. Waking while other sleeping, god if only I have four thousand dollar in my hand now. Sure I will say good bye to this hell hole. That my ticket getting the fuck out of here. Envy my brother because he has a happy life compare to me. He has a girlfriend, work office hour five day a week, and have owning both driving licence and riding licence. Why I cannot be like him? Although I earn more than him, but look at me, an idiot and fool who works on a Sunday.

Blog is the only way for me to say thing out, because I cannot say them out in real life. I do have a wife but yet cannot live with him, only want to meet also very difficult. Not all the time I can meet him, we don’t have home of our self and he going to National Service. My worry he going NS is that, he going to leave me and I will be alone again.

That will be nice for a fool who work on a Sunday, yup that right. They can only say but the one suffering if me and me alone. When I going to get the hell out? Only God knows.

Wow it had been long time since I post. Not because I dun have a lot of thing to say, but it just I feeling so occupied lately.

Firstly let me being with my investment. For those who reading my other post notice that I have a dream, and this dream is to be an information technology entrepreneur. The name I do have already, but I won’t say it out. Hopefully, no one will take it in Singapore specially. I now own my partners SGD 4000.00 this is no not cool.

God who can loan me that much of money, I just want that money and after it off to my dream and I do hope from my dream it going be reality.

My love life now doing well, no more wondering if my boiboi love me or my money or both which I do wish he love me instead. Last week we did it again but this time I more daring. Yes we have but he was wearing underwear not bare. It makes me more comfortable.

Question now my life is more like a bird flying back and forth to a cage. No friend no one close to me except myself. However, I learn that only I can change thing. Cannot always ask help from other.

Oh well that all I need to say for now. Till then happy reading my posting and also decided no need for a signature.

On this good day I wish all Muslim living in Singapore and world wide Happy Adilfitri.